Dyspraxia Awareness Week 2021
Today marks the last day of dyspraxia awareness week 2021. I have been posting a bit on Instagram but not at all on Facebook. I guess I was hoping I'd see some posts but sadly haven't seen any, except from fellow dyspraxics.
Although I wasn't diagnosed till I was 19, dyspraxia is something that I have had all my life and as a result, I have become used to adapting to daily life; as well as finding different ways to do things.
This year’s theme is primary and secondary education, so this blog post will be about my experiences with that.
I started infant school aged 4. Although I don't remember much from my first year of school, I do remember in the later years of infant school struggling a lot. I found handwriting hugely difficult and no matter how hard I tried, I could not grip a pencil properly and struggled to form letters. At some point during this time I was diagnosed with dyspraxia but for an unknown reason no one would accept this diagnosis, my mum kept fighting but she wasn't being listened to. I was not aware till many years later about this. I remember the assessment but at this age didn't know it was an assessment. She was palmed off as a panicky parent and told I would "grow out of it" by the time I started junior school. During this time I also remember struggling getting changed before and after PE as well as struggling with any games that involved coordination.
I then started junior school aged 7. I was still hugely struggling. I was given a hand support and extra handwriting lessons but neither of these helped improve my handwriting. I still seemed far behind my classmates when forming my letters and struggled to keep up in class. Unfortunately, during my first year of junior school I became unwell with appendicitis and had lots of time off school. I came back and felt further behind than ever. My mum was reassured I'd catch up and was told again I'd grow out of it. I also missed out on months of swimming lessons, and when I came back, the teacher did not seem to want to help me catch up. It seemed the teacher did not want to teach me as I was not at the same level as the others in my class.
I remember in year 4 being given a writing slant board to use in lessons. This was to help improve my handwriting as I was still struggling with this. I found using the slant very embarrassing as I was the only one in my class who used one. I found it didn't help improve my handwriting at all. I was also at this point struggling with remembering to do any homework I had. I still found PE difficult as I struggled with how much coordination was involved. I still found getting changed before and after PE difficult as I could not do it as quickly as my classmates. My mum was told by the time I started secondary school; I would have grown out of it.
I don't remember being given any support in year 5. What I do remember is lots of my friends getting there "pen licence". If you aren't familiar with this, it is when a child writes neat enough in pencil that they can now write in pen all the time. I never seemed to be able to write neat enough in pencil no matter how hard I tried. I was practicing handwriting with my grandparents on weekends but could never quite write neat enough for what my school wanted. Watching all my friends get the pen license when I wasn't was very disheartening. I was also still finding PE difficult and couldn't understand why others found it so easy.
When I started year 6, I still struggling with the same stuff I had been for years. Teachers would tell me I wasn't trying hard enough and needed to improve my handwriting in time for SATS. I was given extra handwriting lessons, but I still could not write neat enough. Despite being 11, I still had a very immature pencil grip. I somehow did well in my SATS despite lack of support. I remember during this time being picked last for team sports in PE, I started dreading this lesson in case we had to get in pairs or teams. No one wanted to partner with me. I was dreading starting secondary school.
I absolutely hated both year 7 and year 8. I was constantly berated by teachers for my handwriting and told I was being lazy by not writing neat. What they ignored was how hard I was trying to make my work neat. I was struggling to read my own handwriting in my planner, meaning I'd often not do homework because I didn't know what it was. At some point a teacher shouted at me in front of the whole class for how messy my homework was and said I had to stay at break to redo it. I remember in year 8 doing peer marking and the person who had mine telling the teacher she felt I should have been given a higher mark. The teacher then says to the class that some grades are wrong to check we are peer marking correctly, it turns out only mine was a different one. I always felt this had something to do with handwriting as I was regularly marked down by teachers for my handwriting. One of my teachers said to my mum they thought I had dyspraxia; however, they wouldn't diagnose or refer me and the GP needed to refer me. We went to the GP, and they said the school needed to refer me. No one was helping me and instead I was left to struggle; some teachers even said by the time I hit GCSEs I'd grow out of my symptoms. PE was still a huge issue for me, and I'd often not bring kit, so I didn't have to participate. Despite doing well in SATS I was now doing extremely badly in school and was in the lower sets for almost all subjects. Thankfully at the start of year 9 I changed schools and no longer had these teachers.
Although I was happy to start a new school in year 9, I was still hugely struggling. I was given extra handwriting lessons, but I just could not improve it, no matter how hard I tried. Before I knew it, I was picking my GCSEs, I was worried about these and if I would do well or not. At some point during year 10 I had an assessment. The school thought it was dyspraxia but again I was told they don't refer, the GP does. However, when I went to my GP, they told me the school must refer me. Neither would refer me and without a diagnosis there was limited support I could be given. My school also said that I was doing well in school and therefore didn’t need any extra support. My maths teacher during this time was fantastic as was my English teacher. Between the two of them they got me a scribe for my exams. This was the only help I was able to get. Although I got on well with my scribe as I knew the TA, I struggle hugely with having to dictate what I said and wait for them to write it down. I'd often forget my next point. I had no extra time and I found it difficult to dictate in the time frame given. I was also placed at the back of the same hall as everyone else so had to whisper to my scribe, this meant I was often repeating myself. I would still forget to do homework as I would forget to check my planner or be unable to read what I had written. If I didn’t put the homework I did do in my bag then I would often forget to bring it in school altogether.
During this time, I was still finding PE extremely difficult and my PE teacher was absolutely horrible towards me. All my PE reports say I was not trying hard enough and if I just applied myself and stopped talking to my friends then I could do well. I was told my coordination was bad because I wasn't trying hard enough to do well. What the teacher chose to ignore was the fact that for a while I did try, but very quickly I realised that it didn't matter how hard I worked, or how much I applied myself, I wasn't good enough for her. I'd forget my kit, so I didn't have to participate, or spend the lesson talking to my friends. I had decided it didn't matter if I tried as I was always being told off, so why should I bother? There is another incident with my history teacher that sticks out. I explained I was looking to a dyspraxia diagnosis. I was told by her that females can’t have dyspraxia and I simply needed to try harder in lessons and make sure people could read my handwriting. For some reason when it came go coursework, I was allowed to type one piece but had to write the other. This led to me having to type up the written one. However, this meant that when my class was doing corrections to their coursework, I was typing mine up but with the corrections covered as it was classed as a first sit. I struggled to read what I had written and wasn’t able to type it up. In the end a TA typed it up for me, I do not know if they included the corrections or if they had to leave stuff out because they couldn’t read it. What I do know is that I got lower on the coursework than I was predicted.
During my GCSEs I hugely struggled to revise for my exams as I struggled to remember things. Thankfully my English teacher let me type all my coursework and this made my life so much easier. I remember during this time constantly being told that even if I did well at GCSEs that A Levels wouldn’t be for me and that I certainly should not go to university when the time came. This was disheartening for me to hear. Though I chose to ignore it and at the end of year 11 I left the school and started a new 6th form for year 12. Thankfully this also meant no more PE lessons.
In the end I would end up doing 3 years of 6th form. One of the first instances of me struggling was when a teacher came up to me and said my other teacher could not read my handwriting and struggled to mark my essay. The second teacher helped them. This then led to a meeting with my head of year who explained that I could use part of my bursary to buy a laptop and that if I were to use it during lessons as well as for all coursework, then they would be able to justify me using it for exams. The head of year also commented that he noticed I would spend time after school typing up my written notes and this would prevent me from having to do this. I was happy to use a laptop and after years I was finding school a little bit easier.
However, I still struggled with the workload of A Levels. I would also still forget to check my planner and forget to bring homework in, I was regularly being told off by teachers for doing this. I did not understand why I was still struggling and assumed there was something wrong with me. It was awful being told off by teachers as I wasn’t forgetting it on purpose, and I was trying hard in lessons. I still struggled with revising and found I wasn’t doing as well in exams as predicted.
At some point during 2013 I went back to a different GP. I went along with my mum. Thankfully the GP listened to us and understood that I needed the diagnosis in order to get help with uni. After over a decade of constantly being dismissed and told I would grow out if it, I felt a sense of relief and finally being referred. However, the wait list for the NHS was long and I went through almost all of my A Levels without a diagnosis. I am thankful that the school I was at let my use a laptop as this was more support than I’d previously been given.
On the 14th of April 2014 I would officially get diagnosed with dyspraxia. I didn’t end up telling my 6th form as I felt they wouldn’t be able to put things in place for exams. I also felt it would not change my experience and how I felt about being left to struggle. Looking back perhaps someone should have picked up on it sooner and suggesting going back to GP, but sadly no one did. Though by this point I had become used to struggling.
I sadly didn’t do as well in A Levels as I would have liked but I did well enough to get to university. And thankfully with an official diagnosis of dyspraxia I would finally be able to get support that I had been waiting years for.
So, there it is. Then story of my school experience. I don’t know why I kept being told I would grow out it or that if I simply tried harder I would do well at the things I was struggling with. So many teachers did not pickup on the fact that I had dyspraxia and this stems from a lack of awareness of the condition. I wish teachers and medical professionals had listened and helped me get a diagnosis sooner. If they had who knows what support I could have been given and who knows how different my education would have been. Although I am angry at some of my teachers who called my lazy and said I wasn’t trying had enough, I am grateful for the few who did help me and enabled me to do well at school and eventually get to university.
If you are still here, then thank you for reading all of this. And apologies for it being so long.
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