What not to say to someone with dyspraxia

 Dyspraxia is a hidden disability, so when you look at me, you don't know that I have dyspraxia. Over the years I have had many comments about my dyspraxia, some good, some bad, and some that I had to laugh at because it was so stupid. So here is a list of what not to say to someone with dyspraxia, because some people really need to hear it. 

1. But you don’t look like you have a disability

 Whenever people say this, I just think "but this is my only look.". Hidden disabilities are still heavily stigmatized, this is despite improvements in recent years. It is also tempting to say "and you don;t look ignorant", though people wouldn't like that. Other comments include, "but you look fine", I am not sure if this is meant as a compliment or not but it still seems ignorant to me. I may not look disabled, but I do struggle with some things that for other people find easy.

2. Well you can do *insert task here* fine, so how can you have a disability?

 One minute ago you didn't even know what dyspraxia was and now your making judgements? Yeah, don't do that. I "can do" lots of tasks, even if they require balance/ coordination as I have practiced a lot over the years to pick up things to learn to live independently and I have worked out my own way of doing things. I call this the Aimee way of doing things. 

3. I do that too, so that means I must have dyspraxia then.

Just because you are clumsy does not mean you have dyspraxia. However there is so much more to dyspraxia than what meets the eye and what I tell people. Just because you have a certain trait, does not mean that you have dyspraxia. However I am ok with answering any questions on the topic. 

4. You walk weirdly/you don’t have very good balance do you?

 This is a very judgmental comment, I am aware that I do not have good balance, it does not need to be pointed out to me.  

5. You’re so quiet!

With dyspraxia, I have difficulties in social situations, particularly with new people or when in large groups. So when someone points out that I’m quiet (90% of the time this is when I’m in a large group) it really doesn’t help and it can be difficult to explain why so I kind of end up not saying much in response and it’s awkward.

6. *Says something in a really patronising way*

Luckily, this hasn’t happened to me often. However when it does, I am often spoken to in a slow and rather patronising tone, as if I am a child. I do have a speech problem, but that does not mean that I don't understand what you are saying.

7. You won’t be able to do this, so I’ll do it for you.

How do you know if I can't do it or not?  Unless you have asked me, or I have told you, please don't assume that I can't do something. Some people offer help without assuming I can't do something, which is nice. Often this happened during school on any tasks that involved drawing or writing.  Some teachers would offer to help me or provide an alternative so that I could still complete the same activity but in an adapted way. This unfortunately still happens now I am n adult. If you do the task for me, then I will never learn to do it.

9. You’ll grow out of it

Yes, I have actually been told this, as have my parents. People believed for years that I would grow out of dyspraxia, I didn't. I am now 26 and still yet to grow out of dyspraxia.

This list is by no means exhaustive and I have had more said to me. Everyone with dyspraxia is different so just ask us about it and how it affects us.

If you have ever said any of these things then this is your chance to educate yourself.